


Two Ex-Noble Boys

by Bipolar_Armitage_Hux



Series: Fractured Souls [1]
Category: Dragon Age - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Autistic Dorian, BPD Dorian, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, M/M, PTSD Dorian, PTSD Inquisitor, Past Rape/Non-con, Romance, Trans Character, Trans Inquisitor, Trans Male Character, autistic inquisitor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-08-06
Updated: 2016-08-11
Packaged: 2018-07-29 19:42:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7696975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bipolar_Armitage_Hux/pseuds/Bipolar_Armitage_Hux
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dorian finally finds himself acting on his desire on going to Jacobi's quarters, he doesn't get quite what he expected. He goes for sex and he ended up with venting, crying, cuddling and angst.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Flirting Ends, The Angst Begins

**Author's Note:**

> I didn't want to tag "Rape/Non-Con" because it implies it happens in this fic, but Jacobi is a survivor of incestuous child sexual abuse and it's talked about here. If that triggers you/makes you uncomfortable, read at your own risk.

Jacobi knew Dorian was coming, and he paced up and down his quarters nervously as he waited for him. He ran his hair through his curly black hair bit his lip and tried not to let his eyes go to the stairs. He knew what Dorian wanted and it's not that he didn't want it to but... It was complicated. He suddenly became aware of his binder and took a deep breath as he felt a pain in his chest. Dorian said he didn't mind, he liked men, and Jacobi was a man. It didn't stop the fear inside Jacobi though, it didn't stop the dysphoria nagging at him that he wasn't "man enough". It wasn't just that though, there were some other things that scared him but they were too much for him to comprehend. He heard his door open and he stopped suddenly, spun round and leaned with hands against his desk to hide his face and compose himself for a second. Maybe he could act like he wasn't just waiting for Dorian and he was in fact doing something important. Jacobi heard Dorian's footsteps - delicate, purple. He didn't know why they were purple, they just were. He heard him reach the top and Jacobi almost stopped breathing, his skin became warm as he heard his voice. 

"So," Dorian began. His voice is beautiful, Jacobi noted. "It's awfully nice all of this flirting business but I'm not a nice man." Jacobi turned round and barely noticed that his mouth was slightly open, his eyes not leaving Dorian's lips and the brown skin surrounding them. "So, I suggest we dispense with the chit-chat and move onto something a little more... primal." Dorian walked closer to him, his lips turned upwards. "It will set tongues wagging of course," Dorian continued walking behind him, not knowing that Dorian took this chance to catch a quick glance at Jacobi's arse. "Not that their not already wagging. But that depends," Dorian said, getting closer to Jacobi so his lips were in his ear. "How bad does the Inquisitor want to be?" He felt like a romantic novel cliche as his hands grew sweaty and his legs view weak. He felt Dorian's hands on his hips and his hands found themselves on top of them. Both of their fingers interlocked for a second, Jacobi almost moaned at the feeling of Dorian's breath on his neck. Jacobi let go and spun round, eyes studying Dorian's torso as his mouth was still open and he felt his olive skin heat up. 

"C-can we ... take things a little slower?" Jacobi said, weakly and hating himself momentarily as his voice got a little higher at the end. Dorian didn't seem to notice, or care. Instead he titled his head and took a step back. 

"I... don't understand," Dorian said. "We've- by my standards-" he let out an embarrassed cough and turned around, took a step forward, and then turned back. "Do you not want to-?"

"Yes! I do, I just-" Jacobi paused and shrugged. "Want to take things slower? It's complicated, I'm too... complicated. No, that sounds stupid. I just-" Jacobi paused as he felt his breathing stop for a second. He took a step back from Dorian. "I - I like you, a lot. I just- I want-" 

"Cobi, Do you..." Dorian started, just as insecure in this conversation as Jacobi. "Want a relationship?" Dorian pronounced every syllable in relationship, slowly, as if it was a foreign language he was just learning. 

"If you don't want-"

"No! It's not that! I do I just-" Dorian hesitated, staring at Cobi with an expression he couldn't read. Cobi thought Dorian looked surprised, happy, like he was going to cry. He had no idea how to rect to this. "I've never..." Dorian edged closer. "Back home, in Tevinter, between two men it's not-" he turned away. "It's accepted but - it's about pleasure. There's nothing permanent there, you learn not to hope for more. You'd be foolish to-" He paused and stared at Cobi, the same mixed expression. Neither of them really knew what it meant. "But if that's what you want, I would-" Cobi took his hand and smiled. 

"It is what I want," he whispered leaning his forehead against Dorian's and resting his hands against Dorian's hips - who responded by wrapping his arms are Cobi's neck. 

"I'm-" Dorian paused. "Not very well-versed in this sort of thing," he admitted. Cobi noticed that his ears burnt up with embarrassment. 

"Neither am I," Cobi whispered. He took Dorian's hand gently and placed it against his bound chest. "Are you sure this isn't too ... odd for you?" He asked desperately, he'd heard the answer before but only from a distant, not when his body was right in front of him. Dorian smiled. 

"Not at all, it's perfect," Dorian whispered, with a smile and a glint in his eyes which showed he meant it. Cobi thought he was going to cry but really thought better of it. "I can't leave with nothing, matter of pride, you know," Dorian said tilting his head and pursing his lips. 

"Who said I wanted you to leave?" Cobi whispered before pressing his lips into Dorian's. His lips were soft, his mouth and tongue were warm. In that moment, Cobi, despite not having much experience, knew exactly what to do. It wasn't like before when he had to and needed to please the other person - this time it was natural and perfect. When they left the kiss, Cobi took Dorian's hand and took a step-backward leading him to his bed. Dorian happily followed but was a little bit confused. 

"I thought we weren't-" 

"We're not," Cobi interrupted. "But that doesn't mean I want you to leave, unless you want to." 

"Not at all," Dorian replied instantly, falling into Cobi's arms as if he belonged there. The laid there, on Cobi's emerald silk sheets, cuddling, kissing holding hands and just being with each other. After a few moments of this, Cobi felt Dorian's hand slip under his navy blue shirt gently and froze. He took his hand and backed away slightly. 

"I- there's something I need to- can we talk about something?" Cobi said awkwardly and internally kicking himself. He could fight _dragons_ why was he terrible at this? "It's nothing you did!" He assured catching Dorian's expression. "It's not that I want this to stop I just," Cobi paused, he signed not knowing how to put this. He'd never really told anyone about this before. He sat up and stared at his knees. "I need to tell you something before-" he hesitated. "I have some... issues that might effect... things. So I think I should tell you now." Cobi hated himself for a moment, why was this so hard? Dorian perched himself up on his elbow, his mouth turned downward with worry. 

"What is it?" Dorian asked gently noticing Cobi's struggle with wording it he attempted to help. "Is this something that's happening at the moment?" Cobi shook his head. "Is it something that's happened in the past?" Cobi nodded. 

"I- It's a few things. Okay the only way I'm going to say this is if I just, okay," Cobi took a deep breath. "When I was little I was... My uh, father used to... He drunk a lot and..." He felt his eyes sting. "Sometimes he got violent, it was better then. Sometimes he... Well he came into bed with me and-" Cobi didn't notice he was crying and hyperventilating until Dorian's arms were around him and he kissed the top of his head. Cobi cried into Dorian's chest as he stroked his back reassuringly. 

"You don't need to say any more, I understand, it's okay," Dorian said softly as Cobi cried into him. Dorian's eyes felt his eyes about to sting but dismissed it immediately. Cobi needed him right now, he needed to focus on that. When Cobi finished crying and kept his head in Dorian's chest, not wanting to lean back out of embarrassment, Dorian spoke again. "I just - I want you to know I'll never hurt you. I'll never pressure you into doing anything you don't want to, if it feels like I am tell me and I'll stop immediately. Even if I don't realise how, just tell me and I'll stop. I never want you to feel uncomfortable, I want you to be happy. We can take this as slowly as you like," Dorian said quietly, ending by kissing Cobi's crown. He leant back, his tear stained cheeks framing a sad smile. 

"Thank you," he whispered. "I'm sorry, I-" Dorian stroked his hair and gave a genuine smile. 

"You have nothing to be sorry for, amatus," he replied. 

"Amatus?" Cobi asked a little confused. 

"It's Tevene, it-" Dorian's ears heated up. "It means beloved." Cobi smiled as he fell back into Dorian's arms, resting his head on his chest. He'd been called many things, but 'beloved'? That was new. 

They spent most of the evening and night lying on Cobi's bed talking about everything, Dorian's lonely childhood, his time in brothels, when he was drinking too much, coming out to his parents, his time in Tevinter, how many cousins he had, his favourite type of food. Cobi talked about his relationship with his dad, his three brothers and two sisters, the Trevelyan family, his childhood dog, his past abusive partners, what his house in Ostwick was like. They did eventually fall asleep together, when Dorian woke up he was... happy. He felt wanted. It was a new, terrifying feeling. He half wanted to run but the desire to stay with Cobi as much as possible was too strong to pay attention to it. He looked at Cobi sleeping, the ferocious Inquisitor, with curly black hair, a crooked nose, olive skin and a lot of freckles was curled up ever so adorably next to him. He reached out and stroked his cheek to make sure he was real, when he murmured in confusion in response, Dorian lowered himself so he was face to face with him. 

"Shhh, go back to sleep Amatus," he said kissing his nose. Cobi mumbled something before cuddling up to Dorian. Cobi's hair tickled Dorian's neck, he didn't mind. He let Cobi sleep for a little while longer, letting them have a few final moments together before he had to go out and be the Inquisitor again. Dorian suddenly felt a pang of jealousy, he finally got what he wanted and he had to share him with the whole of Southern Thedas. It didn't feel fair, he tried to repress that feeling as much as he could. It was silly, childish, immature. Then he thought about how much danger Cobi was in and squashed that feeling down inside of him. That was something he wouldn't allow himself to feel. He couldn't even comprehend losing Cobi experience told him everyone left, and he spent a few moments how it would end for him and Cobi. Would one of them fall in battle? Would they be forced apart by circumstance. No. He wouldn't let that happen. _He couldn't._ He pulled himself closer to Cobi as his eyes stung. He tried to focus on the warmth of the man in his arms and nothing else. The rest of the things in his mind hurt too much.


	2. The List

As Dorian laid next to Jacobi for the first time he was rather stunned by a few things. The first one was that he had slept in his clothes, he hadn't done that in a very long time (even when he was at his _worst_ he didn't do this... Normally if you paid for the all night service in a brothel you weren't wearing clothes.) The last time the he could remember was when he was an adolescent - about 16 or so - and had stayed out all night drinking. He hadn't wanted to go home so had slept on the grass, under the stars in a park on the other side of the city to his parent's estate. He was awoken just before dawn by the rain, he was freezing and walked home wet, cold, but without causing a scandal (thankfully, or so his parents thought.) Now it was quite a different feeling, sure he felt sore and a little uncomfortable but he didn't mind as much. Waking up in your clothes from the night before feels nicer when it was because you feel asleep next to a handsome man as you were talking and cuddling. As much as it shocked Dorian, it felt better than all the times he woke up to men naked. That being said, he wasn't entirely dressed, at various points during the night he undid various buckles and belts. Having a good night's sleep in such fine tailoring was quite difficult. The second thing was he was stunned at how it was waking up to someone.

 

Sure he'd heard about it in poetry and that terrible romance series Varric wrote but he always assumed that was an exaggeration - hyperbole to sell books, poems and to appeal to the soft side of everyone. Thing is, they didn't seem to even touch on how great it was to wake up next to someone you had grown to ... Care about, quite a lot. The other thing that was really wonderful (that he'd never been told about) is how it felt to have someone you care about feel so safe around you that they happily curl up and have a good night's sleep next to you. He knew it was corny, but he could have watch Jacobi sleep forever. The way his lips parted slightly, how his chest rose and fell slowly, how he snored quietly, his eyes twitched and how every now and then he reached out his arms towards Dorian as if to make sure he was still there. In that moment, he wondered what Jacobi's insecurities and fears were - after what happened to him so long ago he must have quite a lot. Dorian felt incredibly selfish for a moment. Here he was lying next to a survivor of something more awful than he could imagine and all he'd talked about were his own problems. He hated himself for a moment, a feeling which immediately disappeared when he saw that Jacobi's eyes were opening - his eyes twitched and he lifted his hand up as the cracks in the curtains hit him. He saw Dorian, smiled and then wrapped his right around his waist, pulling himself into him.   
  
"Good morning," Jacobi mumbled into his chest.   
  
"Sleep well, amatus?" Dorian asked as he started stroking Jacobi's hair. He quickly learned that his fingers easily became tangled in the curls, so was very careful not to accidentally on Jacobi's hair.   
  
"Surprisingly yes," he replied off hand. He looked up at Dorian with a slight want in his eyes, he both had a strong desire to kiss him but didn't want to initiate anything, he knew it was silly considering they spent a lot of time with their lips fused together but it just felt... Off to him. Thankfully Dorian grinned and recognised the look immediately, he took his left hand and firmly but gently took Jacobi's cheek so his ear was between his fingers and they were slipped into Jacobi's hair, he pulled Jacobi towards him and closed his eyes and he felt his soft, lips press into him. Dorian couldn't help but smile and moan slightly as it continued, Jacobi wrapped his arms around his neck and pulled Dorian closer into him. Not that they could actually become closer but he just  _wanted_ him. He needed him to be as close to him as possible. It was when he felt Dorian's left hand slip down his arm, onto his side and rest on his hip that his nerves stood on end. And when he froze Dorian realised, and they stopped instantly.   
  
"Everything alright?" Dorian asked stopping instantly.   
  
"I-i- I'm okay," Jacobi replied, very much obviously not okay. "I- I can take it off if you-"  
  
"Amatus," Dorian interrupted placing his index finger on Jacobi's bottom lip. "What do you want? Do you want to stop?"   
  
"No!" he insisted. "I don't, I just- when your hand was on hip I got a little..."  
  
"Oh Maker, I'm sorry," Dorian said wrapping his arm around Jacobi's shoulders and kissing the top of his head. "I-I - well, I know now don't I?" Suddenly he backed off a little. "That-was that okay?"   
  
"Oh, yes, definitely. More than okay," Jacobi smiled. Dorian relaxed instantly, and then he had an idea.   
  
"Of course! I know what we can do," he sat up instantly with an excitement in his eyes which confused Jacobi a little. "We just need to figure out everything that is and isn't okay, we should write it down! We could make a chart and-" Jacobi laughed and sat himself up.   
  
"You flapped you're hands a little," he said kissing Dorian's nose. He instantly looked embarrassed and became incredibly interested in the bed sheets. "I think it's really nice," Jacobi added, smiling, Dorian relaxed instantly with confusion. "And we should do that!" Jacobi looked a little deflated when Dorian just nodded in response, he felt a little distant. "Are you okay?"   
  
"Yes, of course, amatus," Dorian said with a smile that Jacobi could see through instantly. He sat up and gave Jacobi the biggest most sincere hug he'd had in a while. "Let's do it," he whispered into jacobi's ear. He decided to let the fake smile go - for now. Dorian stretched, and suddenly became aware of him being in yesterday's clothes, and felt disgusting. "Could we perhaps, do this later? I would like to bathe and change into some clean clothes."   
  
"Of course," Jacobi said with a smile, suddenly becoming aware of how he needed to do the same. Dorian kissed him goodbye before getting off the bed.   
  
"I'll be back soon, I promise," Dorian said with a smile before leaving. As he left Jacobi stood up, stretched and decided to run himself a bath. He tried not to think about the fact that the fact that his bed was empty meant nothing. He wasn't as lonely as he was before, no matter what his brain tried to convince him of. When he pulled off his burgundy, velvet, over-shirt and realised how stiff he actually he was, he became glad all his advisers were busy and his army on scouting missions all day. There was nothing to do but relax, wait, worry, and hopefully spend some time with his new, handsome.... Boyfriend? Partner? Paramour? Dorian. Spend some time with Dorian. His new... person.   
  



End file.
